I am the Black Sheep Princess...
For many years, I tried to be a "white sheep". I tried to do what others expected out of me, what others planned for me, what others dreamed for me, etc. I didn't mind playing the game, because I thought it was a game we all could win, and eventually, I would figure it out.
No matter how well I fulfilled the expectations, demands, plans, and dreams of others for me, it never seemed to be enough for anyone. This road took me to a suicidal mindset in my early teens. Pain in my life, of all kinds, grew until it was more than I could bear. Eventually, I wizened up that this was a game that was not winnable. Not by any means. It was a lose-lose situation. And in the midst of that loss impacting all, I lost Hope itself.
However, I thought I had one last shot. And that was crying out to God, that maybe He Himself, maybe He could change the game. If He was the creator of the Universe, and He was truly real, then He wouldn't create such a lose-lose situation. He'd be smart enough to create a win-win situation. And maybe, just maybe, the people around me didn't actually know what that was. So I locked myself in the bathroom one day, had an all out talk with the Creator of the Universe. I DARED Him to save me from this. I DARED Him to show up in my real life. I DARED Him to change my life from this horrible lose-lose situation that I did not know how to change in the slightest way.
Nothing changed that day that I could see. But fast forward several decades, I can tell you that I know the voice of my Dad. I live in the daily reality that He shows up for me. I know that I know that He has my back, He outrageously resources me, and I've followed through on some of His dares back to me - one of which is to believe about myself, about others, about every situation, every circumstance, everything -- ALL that HE HIMSELF believes. When you taste Goodness like that, when you taste the Majesty of God like that, there's no turning back, loves. You're changed. FOREVER.
Now I embrace who Dad has made me to be. I was not created to fit in. I was created to misfit. I was created to challenge every situation and every person I encounter with the nature, with the Goodness, with the Majesty, with the Limitless Wisdom of God. And I ADORE it. I delight that I get to be about my Dad's business of Goodness on the earth. No one around me is safe from a blessing. Every person I encounter will encounter the Goodness of God. I can't run away from it. So I run WITH it. I throw Goodness around wherever I go, whether it is recognized as that or not. And I live in the wonder that this reality is my life. Double wonder that I get to encourage others that this same reality can be theirs and give this reality away to whosoever will.
I walk as transparently as possible, not to brag, but to encourage you all how very possible a miraculous life like this is. And to me, I learn best visually, by seeing, by example, by real life stories. I find words pale and weak at times. People hear your words and think that's a pretty great front. But you live something so excellently, so majestically, so powerfully, to where that power undeniably overflows on those around you, where it defines the atmosphere wherever you go, where breakthrough is your daily bread, where impossible becoming possible is the norm, then others start to dare to believe, start to dare to live similar things out, and you can give that testimony away to whoever wants it. And Loves, I think that's good news. <3
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